Tips on rejections

Rejections are hard. No one likes to be rejected. Very few people like giving rejections. Here are some tips to make your rejections as painless as possible.

1. Remember a rejection is a critical relationship-building communication.

The entire hiring process from start to finish is not just a hiring process. It is also a process of building relationship and trust. In this sense, one can look at the hiring process as a form of outreach or, if you are in the business of generating profit, marketing/advertising.

The relationship, even with rejected applicants, is ongoing. They leave with an impression of what sort of organization you are. They’ll share this impression through their networks. If you leave a good impression, they’ll likely share it’s worth applying for a future job. If they leave with a bad impression, well…

2. Take the time to communicate with all applicants.

Every applicant should receive a communication from you, even if it is simply an email saying their application has been received, you thank them for applying, and they’ll be contacted if they are selected for an interview.

3. Give your interviewees a timely update on their status. Don’t ghost them.

Everyone who has had an interview should get an update on their status. This should be a timely update.

I have the distinct feeling that many employers wait to reject their finalists until the offer to their top choice is signed on both sides and perhaps even after the top choice has been in the position for a few weeks. I don’t know if this is you, I do know I’ve been asked to participating on hiring panels where this was the practice.

This results in a very long delay during which the poor folks who gave you their application materials, their time, dance, sang, and dressed up for you, in short, gave you their best selves are left in the dark.

What is lost if you actually give the interviewees an update, letting them know you’ve moved on to other candidates? If something falls through with your top choice candidate, nothing stops you from reaching back out to another finalist with an offer. 

Yes, if you tell them, they might move on to other jobs. So what? First, they have likely already done so and probably were looking at multiple job opportunities from the get go. Second, expecting you’re rejected candidates to stay in a state of limbo while you move on involves a lack of transparent communication and lop-sided expectations. It is unnecessary power hording.

I doubt any employer is intentionally meaning to send a brutal reminder of the power they hold in the hiring process, but that’s what is happening when you ghost and/or unduly delay communication.

If you are interested in increasing the justness of your hiring processes, consider rethinking the practice of delaying in getting back to your interviewees. Even if justness is not a priority for you, you’ll still want to reconsider delayed nontransparent communications with interviewees for reasons described in #1: The rejection is part of the trust-building relationship-building process with your candidates.

4. Email your finalists with your rejection news. Don’t call them!

Sometimes employers call their finalists with rejection news. I think they do this with the best of intentions, e.g., they really did have a tough time making the decision and they think calling someone and letting them know will be more personal than an email.

Good intentions aside, let’s step into the rejected finalist’s shoes. They get the call. They’re hoping for good news and instead they get a rejection. They are now forced to contain whatever immediate reactions they have (sadness, frustration, disappointment, etc.) and put on a happy face performing gratitude. If your interview process was a good one, they likely are thankful you treated them well and truly considered them, but thankfulness often comes and is more easily expressed after someone processes disappointment.

Worse yet, sometimes employers have not processed their own difficult feelings around the hiring process and they bring these to the rejection conversation, going on about how hard the decisions was, how much they loved the rejected finalist , and so on. The rejected finalist, on top of just receiving bad news, is now in the position of being asked to do emotional labor for the rejecter!

Make it easy on yourself and the rejected finalist to maintain a positive relationship going forward. Send a brief email to the rejected finalist thanking them for their time, letting them know they were a strong candidate (if they were), letting them know you’ve chosen someone else, and offering to talk with them when/if they would like to talk with you. Only make that offer to talk, if you’re really willing to hear what the rejected candidate has to share, both questions and feedback.

5. Do not add job applicants to your mailing list without their permission.

Okay, you’d think this one would go without saying. But, there’s been several times where I have applied to an organization and subsequently, interview or not, suddenly started receiving emails from them, including emails asking for donations. I don’t think I need to explain why this is gauche.

Instead, try adding an invitation to opt-in to future emails to your email thanking the applicant for their application.

6. More coming later…

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